i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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