gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
