so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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