I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
