You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
