i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
