look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
