Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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