Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
