Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
