so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
