so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
