I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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