make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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