I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
