He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
