You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
