So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
