What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
