Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
