i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
