3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
