The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
