In the future we'll all be gay
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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