whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
