What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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