All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
