I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
