**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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