you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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