wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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