why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
