Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
