you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
