So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
