Kiss
Puke
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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