Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
