note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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