On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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