You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
