my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
