Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
