we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
