my mouth tastes like poor choices
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
