how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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