You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
