sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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