I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
