Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
