ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
