You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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