So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
