While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
