I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
