I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
